Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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