Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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