Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
