His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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