All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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