By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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