Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
