I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
