I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
