Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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