It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
