Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
