Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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