What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
