Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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