Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
