How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
