so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That accounts for only three of the penises
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
