you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
