He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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