i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
