i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
