my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
