If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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