I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
