The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
