he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
