I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
