I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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