Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
