i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
