You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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