i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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