Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
