In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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