just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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