Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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