Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
