my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
