I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
