why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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