I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
