A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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