fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize