They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
