1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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