Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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