In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
