maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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