We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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