someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
