Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
