Nicole vs. Life
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
