Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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