Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
