I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
