i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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