I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
