I can text with my tongue
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
