Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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