he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He shit in the fireplace
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize