I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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