The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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