Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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